This topic is huge on my mind and I said I would be an open book on this blog. I think about, write about, and talk about self-love regularly. I follow the people who talk about it, I read the books about it, I find the articles and websites….I love this stuff. Despite all of that, I have honestly been pretty unsure and nervous of how to talk about it on my blog, with YOU all. It’s a touchy one. A vulnerable spot. Nonetheless, I’m here and I’m ready to discuss it.
I have my own battles with myself, regularly. The doubts, the anxieties, the questions, all of that….it happens. Social anxiety? Oh it’s the worst cause it’s so common. I would never show any part of this to the public eye… in fact I hide it quite well, unless you’re a close friend. I’m real good at making it look like I have it all together. (Haha jokes on the world.) I have my good days. I have my bad days. I have my meh days. Since I’ve been wrestling this topic for so long, I’ve been trying to figure out WHAT self-love is.
How do we attain it?
How do we know when we have it?
Do people with self-love live a certain way? Or have a secret password?
There’s no award or gold-medal in self love out there. (Heck maybe I should create this.)
On New Years, my best friend Julia and I spent our evening in my basement discussing this very topic, creating vision/gratitude boards and eating bacon. (It was a new years for the books.) This is notable because there was a point during the evening where I’m exasperated at my own inability to love myself and wishing I could have the dang thing (self-love.) I couldn’t understand or even wrap my head around where some of my doubts and fears came from. Why can’t they just go away???? At that moment I ask Julia, “But how do we go about this? How do we just get the self-love?” And Julia (whom is seriously the most loving and inspirational human I know) says, “Before any choice, ask yourself ‘Is this aligning me closer or further to my highest sense of self?'”
And now to be honest, I kind of forgot about that conversation until recently. Lately, on my own finding, it has been lamented in my head how extremely important every single decision is. This is how I came to intellectually and emotionally understand Julia’s words.I had heard what she said, but I never experienced it.
Finally, I was experiencing her words for myself, and that’s when it all came full circle.
It’s been hitting me square in the face.
My self-love is awarded through my words towards others, my thoughts to myself, and my daily actions. It’s even more that I don’t shame myself for the actions I do take or have taken in the past. The mistakes will happen. The negative thought will arise and I will dwell. I will say the wrong thing. I am totally human, in all ways so duh, I’m gonna mess up.
Here’s the important things to remember:
- Staying present with where you are. Even with your thoughts.
- In that presence, realize every moment is a choice. Your thoughts, your words, your actions. All choices.
- Once the choice is made, it’s in the past. I can’t figure out how to say this in a non-cliche way but: Don’t dwell on the past. Even better, don’t shame yourself for past choices.
It’s this rotating situation. For the longest time, I considered self-love an action. (And it is, kind of but it’s deeper than that.)
I make an action or speak words that are out of alignment with who I am, and then I dwell (think) about those actions and those words for a period of time, and then make another action or speak more words out of alignment with who I am, because I’m so far away from the present at that current moment because of that past action…and the cycle continues. And it’s HARD to break. I get it.
I run the risk of sounding cliche right now, but this is what self-love comes down too: lots of minuscule choices. Constantly asking myself “Is this in alignment with my highest self?” And if it’s not, I’ll be able to feel it. I’ll feel the guilt coming. The shame. That pit of the stomach feeling. And if it is in alignment, it will feel like joy, happiness, and contentment.
So there it is. Self-love is an everyday practice. An every moment practice, in fact. There’s no gold medal.There’s no test. We all have it within ourselves, we simply have to choose it. Every single day!
There’s a lot that goes into this topic and I’m looking forward to diving into it in the future.This is only touching the surface of a broaaaad journey. I’ll be discussing my daily battles and victories with honoring myself, honoring others, dealing with my past shame, forgiving myself, addressing motivation versus discipline, among many other topics.
If you’d like to share any of your own personal thoughts on this topic or have questions for me, please comment below or shoot me an email! My inbox is always open.
With all the love,